|This document is dedicated to the brokenhearted, the single, and people who choose to be a love celibate.
The purpose of this document is to expose a lie. It's not here to convince you that LOVE is evil, but to inform you with rational reasoning the pitfalls of love. The author of this document assumes that you are intelligent enough to draw your own conclusions.
- Truth Behind Valentines
- Love explained
- Reasons people fall in love
- Excess Baggage associated w/ love
- Coping with Valentines
- Email responses
The primary motive behind Valentines is MONEY. And plenty of it! Hallmark is cleverly cashing in on the sales of Valentines Day greeting cards. The same with people who sell flowers, Candy and cute cuddly bears. They all do this under the guise of something called Love.
They do this while making single people feel sad, degrading them. Society forces you to feel inadequate and less of a person because you are not involved in a "RELATIONSHIP". They alienate you because you choose to be celibate. They ostracize you because you are content with a romantic less relationship. They surround you with sickening displays of kissing, cupids, hearts, and public displays of affection until it forces you to puke!
Valentines has a bad effect on the general population of the human race. For example, instead of pleasantly surprising someone you care. People now expect gifts to be exchanged in a Valentine’s ritual. Giving gifts to make someone feel special should have personal motives (motives of honestly trying to make that person feel good) NOT a ritual because society and people around you EXPECT it.
When it comes down to it Valentines is a overrated capitalistic invention by Hallmark to make money with sick side affects of lowering self-esteem of many individuals.
Reasons people fall in love: Personal, Nature, and Society à LOVE
When you are born you are bombared with elements of love. Your parents tell you that when you grow up your going to get a family of your own (If they don't tell you out right they tell you subconsciously because it is expected. We learn by imitation). Family, schools, and mentor's teach you about monogamous relationships based on love. Little girls are brought up to play house, take care of baby dolls, and cook with playdoe. Society is carefully bringing our children up to play the game.
The media surround you with love stories, love triangles and Melrose Place. The media bombards you with sex putting the pursuit of it into your young mind.
Soon your peers are pushed into having boyfriends / girlfriends and the elaborate rituals are developed. These rituals produce many pretentious and dishonest people; soon our young lives are occupied with the "game". This is especially true of college students as they tend be young pupils to the "game" (don't get me wrong not just college students play this game) These students confuse the search of Sex (driven by the nature element: Human Desire) with the search for a mate (the mate apparently push by parents and society) and happiness.
Effects of the game-
As people I think we should just stop and think. Stop and look around look around the people you are with. Why must we waste our time by focusing on these trivial things? We are wasting valuable energy playing these games and bringing up our children to play this game. It is because of these rituals that repress the American people making them superficial and flaky.
Basic Happiness diagram: Need for Happiness à Love à Sex
Unfortunately this is a very true diagram. People fool them selves in to thinking love is what they need. The need for happiness rationalizes love (someone who would care for them). Then the need for love rationalizes Sex (maybe if I have sex with him then he'll love me!). Be it the human desire factor which further influences them. Which leads to more meaningless sex with multiple people. And so on. I've observed many victims falling into this endless cycle.
Well you maybe thinking that the people who do this are either dumb or are blind or have very low self-esteem. Well they are all of these because what I am describing might even be you. Everyone falls into this and they do so with out realizing it. If you are or were in a relationship like this then this is where you examine your self and examine your past relationships. Maybe you don't have a high case of success in love. Maybe you've been in many meaningless relationships with multiple people? Leading to no where? Not finding what you are looking for? Maybe you aren't looking in the right place. Love is not there, happiness is not there...
The solution? Be honest.
Be honest with you and your partner. If you want to be happy search for what makes you happy. Love often is not it. Many times being content with who you are will often solve your problem. I believe happiness (being content is the hardest to attain) is being able to recognize who you are and what you are here for. Being able to live with your self is the solution.
However if you want to go out with someone just to have a fuck then say so. Be honest, don't go through with these elaborate rituals. And also don't flatter your self into thinking it’s something more and it will make you happy or a better person. Being honest will save you and your partner unnecessary emotional pain. Don't play these games, if you want to fuck then go fuck… human beings by nature are violent and sexual.
Another primary motivator for love is security. There are people who need to depend on another person, it’s a comfortable habit that stems from our past as children. Some people never grow up so they long for someone to take care of them. They don't really care about them as anything other then someone who provides shelter and food. Then of course there are people out there who are the opposite. They desperately seek for a companion to take care of. They need to be needed by someone (low self-esteem). I don't know which one of these is worse, but the fact that they exist just shows how sick our society has become.
Nothing meaningful is exchanged in this type of relationship except maybe their basic needs are fulfilled through co-dependency. This is obviously not healthy.
People in general are lazy and they fall into comfortable habits. Love can be this way too. The next time you say, "I love you" to someone maybe you should think about why you are saying it.
People are driven to the madness because they are afraid. They are afraid to be alone. They see all their friends going out with someone and are obviously very happy (not the complete truth!). Single feel alienated and left out. Soon they will reason with themselves that they do NEED someone to be with. Someone to occupy their time and energy.
People by nature are unfaithful creatures, we are not monogamous. This is why humans often have affairs, and why marriages never last. All of this stems from our past instincts to survive. In many ways humans are no better then animals. Each sex have reasons to have multiple partners.
Why do males seek to have multiple partners? To most people this is obvious. However it really isn't. In the past when humans didn't live very long it is imperative for the male to spread his seed to many females as he can. It is an important part of survival. Ok maybe it is obvious. This in turn carried on to our modern ways.
Females are very selective about their partners. They want to choose the strongest, the best and the most capable gene for their child (or what they perceive to be the best). This makes sense right? Many females choose their mates based on this fact (even though they will never admit it) again it is from the ways of the past. They will often rate every male they encounter (they do this subconsciously) to determine if they are the right one. Females will do this because the female only have so many eggs while the male can copulate many times over again. Usually the gene carrier the female have chosen isn't fit to provide. They aren't capable guardians for their children. So to be sneaky the female will marry someone (the capable provider) and have their children fathered by someone else!
Doesn't this theory sound a bit scary? What's more scary is that I think it's often true, however we can never confirm this. The only way we can is if we did a gene test of the general population of the supposed father and the child. And that's not feasible.
All this animalistic behavior is un excusable. We are modern humans, we should be intelligent to distinguish between lust and what people call love.
All are fallacies. They are fallacies because they are insufficient reasons to fall in love or to even get married. These are reason people come up with because they are afraid. They find it difficult to find peace within them selves.
The excess baggage that is attached with Love.
- Compromising one self ***
- We are weakened by relying on another person.
- Losing ones creative edge.
- Consuming – Takes over ones life.
- Smothers out happiness and creativity.
- Lowers a person and their potential.
- Lowering of ones funds.
- Basic complications related to relationships period!
How many times have you wanted to hang out with your friend only to find out that they HAVE to spend time with their lover?
What you can do on Valentines.
Short Term strategies:
Long term strategies:
- Three words ... get pissed drunk. Getting drunk is an easy way to make valentines tolerable.
- Dress in all black. Don't dress like a bum wear nice clothe
- Make an Anti-Valentines page of your own. Flood the network with anti-valentines!
- Stop and tell the people who are kissing, hugging on the streets to go get a room you are making me sick!
- Preach the word of L.I.E.!
- Hold an Anti-Valentines day party
- Make many quality friends as possible. This way you won't be alone
- be honest to your self
- be honest to others do not play the ritualistic games (for example I am usually very direct).
- honestly care about people
- Ally your self with others like you to fight evil
We love because we are trained to love we are trained to think in ways, which make us dishonest and evil. We do horrid things to people in the name of love and we hurt many by playing these elaborate ritualistic games. Couples in relationships get into hypocritical habits of saying "I love you" no instead maybe they should say I will not always love you, because love will die and so will you! (Why do we have such a high rate of divorces when love is so bonding?) By nature humans are unfaithful. Fighting this, throw off the chains would mean defying the unwritten rules of our society. It would mean being alienated and alone on Valentines Day.
I am not an advocator of hate. Or even HATE LOVE. I do love the love you have for friends, pets, god and family. This love is stronger, stable and many times more honest then romantic love. It is often referred to as brotherly love.
How I came to this conclusion:
After years of living in a daze and feeling lost and disconnected I came to realize the blessing of my once sheltered life. Coming to college and being exposed to people/life I had to cope, understand and finally accept the world I live in. It saddened me to realize the truth, I thought for sure there was something more to this world then this shit-hole I'm living in. So right now I'm just trying to focus on getting by. Focusing on trying to live my life and trying to understand with how this big world can make One feel so small.
Xiaoxin Lu Pres. Of-Love celibate society.
A Anti-Valentines Song:
Jewel Non Album Tracks I Hate Valentine's Day Valentine's Day Wish I had a sweetheart It's Valentine's Day Didn't even get a stinkin' card It's Valentine's Day I just have to say I hate Valentine's Day It's Valentine's Day And I didn't get no chocolate It's Valentine's Day If I had a heart I'd hock it It's Valentine's Day All I have to say I hate Valentine's Day It's Valentine's Day And I hope it finds you healthy It's Valentine's Day I'm glad your stinkin' girlfriend's wealthy (?) It's Valentine's Day I just love to say I hate fuckin' Valentine's Day
I have recieved lots of email so now they are moved to here.
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hearts are broken every day...Last Updated: page maintained by . All rights reserved. Permission required for use of any information and graphics. Copyright© 1997-2001,2003 Xiaoxin Lu.